anamnesiac

easter dinner
ed was there with his sister. maia cooked. johnny and his wife were late. we had ham.

for the first part of the evening, people told stories of easter meals they remembered from their childhood. when it got to me, i realized that i could not remember a single easter meal. i remember coloring and hunting easter eggs, biting the heads off chocolate bunnies, dressing up. but i don’t think we made a big deal about having a meal. going to church was pretty much the main event of the day.

just as i do at every single significant social gathering organized around a meal, i mentally prepared a prayer/blessing in case i should be requested to produce one. when it reaches that awkward silence part at thanksgiving or or christmas where prayers used to fit back in ye old homogenized days, people sometimes turn to me because i am often thought to be the most religious person in the room (funny, this).

but about half of the time, someone just grabs a glass and toasts to “friends” or “the cook” and the slight tension of the moment is broken. that is what happened tonight.

but, since i already had it prepared, here is (a much much expanded version of) what i was thinking about saying:

in the christian scriptures, the gospels (matthewmarklukeandjohn) describe the birth, teaching, death, and resurrection of jesus. a lot of people i know get hung up on the resurrection thing… did he really come back to life? did he really float up in the air? (they get this from the part that says he “ascended to the father,” talk about killing a metaphor, keep poetry away from these people, “was his love really a red red rose?”)

but i think an important detail of the story is the way his followers reacted when they encountered him after his death:

she turned around and saw jesus standing there but she did not know it was him.

while [the disciples] were talking and discussing, jesus himself came near and went with them, but they were kept from recognizing him.

in other words, he did not just walk up to them in the same way – or the same form – he was before his death.

but then, at some point, “their eyes were opened” and they could perceive him.

so my wish for everyone would have been that they have a moment (or fifty) in which they see things in a new way. and not just differently, but in a way that takes in information from all levels, from the whole of the self or the world, including things that cannot be directly perceived. and that it helps them to see the bigger picture, the connections, and to catch a glimpse of all that we are both putting out there and taking in that we are not aware of in a conscious way, but that is shaping our lives all the same.

in the gospel of john, after his disciples could finally see him, jesus says, have you believed because you have seen me? blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.

in spite of my strong feelings regarding the word “belief” in relation to matters of faith or spirituality (hate it), and the often obscene use of the above quote as an evangelizing tool by conservatives by focusing on belief in jesus as its message, this simple question and blessing has great meaning for me.